Before you feel awesome/inspired about New Orleans winning the Superbowl after their tragedy
You should remember that almost none of their players come from or ever lived in New Orleans.
Did you know my life is awesome? I can’t remember the last time I was depressed.
Party planning
- Jake: Moving house! So that's where I'll probably have the party.
- Arran: You should just have it in your current house, trash it.
- Jake: Well, it's a rental, so...
- Arran: Yes?
- Jake: How about we trash next door instead?
- Arran: Way ahead of you...
- Jake: You're next door, aren't you?
- Arran: I'm talking to you from inside the house.
Casualties of Thursday night:
- Phone
- My bag
- $234
- A wristband with extreme sentimental value
Dear Internet Bros Chasing that "Nerdy/Cool/Hipster Girl w/ a Tumblr",
She’s super crazy. She’ll never love you like she loves her cat and her ex-bf with the restraining order who still calls her every night. She writes those deep, heartfelt tumblr posts in a dark room full of empty chardonnay bottles and take out containers. Get an OkCupid account or better yet, give up on the concept of romance.
Love,
Jim
This post was reblogged from Jim Chaney.
“Jayney Goddard of the UK’s Complementary Medical Association condemned the action. “The stunt was just that – a simple, rather silly and irresponsible stunt,” she told New Scientist. ” There was no real understanding if the principles of homeopathy”
—
Mass drug overdose, none dead | NewScientist.com
I can see this becoming a debate regarding the health benefits of ignorance. [via Erin]
indefensible asked: As I figure you're not at university or working, how do you fill your days?
This is my least favorite question because of how self-conscious it makes me feel, but it’s also the thing most people want to know about, so I’ll answer with sincerity.
Most of my time is spent writing, whether it’s satirical essays, cultural critique, or various film projects. Without factoring in writing for this blog, I’ve written almost 500,000 words in the past eight months. Of course, the writing is the easy part, organising everybody to get in front of the camera is exponentially more difficult, a trial Alan and I commiserate over frequently. Thus, only one project (my “main” project) has made it to that stage.
So, nothing that contributes to society, but I’m hoping it’ll add up to something significant in a little while.
Ask.
Small human erupts from area woman.
The quiet suburb of Normalville was thrown into chaos today as news spread of a tiny man bursting forth from local resident Tamara Wilcox. After a painful twelve hour struggle, Mrs. Wilcox experienced great relief amid a flood of blood, limbs and various unidentified bodily fluids.
“I was literally shocked,” she said. “When I noticed I’d rapidly gained weight over the past eight or nine months, I didn’t realise there was another person inside me taking up all that space.” Sources close to Mrs. Wilcox are excited. “This is so crazy, I really admire Tammy for surviving the ordeal because it sounded hella painful!” stated Tamara’s best friend, Janeane.
The midget seems capable only of crying and stumbling around, but Mrs. Wilcox already has big plans. “I’m going to put him to work immediately as my personal butler. After the pain I went through getting him out of me, it’s the least he can do”.
Dr. Stefanopolous, professor at the University of Normalville, was just as confused as anybody. “As far as I know, there’s only anecdotal evidence that this has happened before. I’m very interested in studying it.”
We’ll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
Voldemort worried about lack of demand for dark wizards.
An explosion at a Primrose Hill estate sent the wealthy residents into panic until it was discovered who the estate belonged to: Former Dark Lord of the Wizarding World, Tom “Voldemort” Riddle. The explosion was a result of a “misfiring wand” after Mr. Riddle had flown into a rage, but what caused this outburst? “Those damn kids.” he explained. “I can’t fly past a news stand in Diagon Alley without seeing one of their faces, so now I just avoid the place altogether.”
The former tyrant, known for causing over a decade of pain, misery and despair, has become despondent over the lack of calls from his agent. “The ginger’s making a name for himself in comedy, the mudblood’s got her own fucking fashion line, and Potter… like Molly Shannon said, don’t even get me started. Dude looks more skeletal than I do, yet half of the teenage population still wants to be inside him.”
After constant defeat at the hands of the teenaged trio, Mr. Riddle had retired to his Primrose home to become a recluse, occasionally penning pop culture critiques for The Sun under the pseudonym Tim Ruddle. When the seventh Harry Potter film comes out next year, he says the public is in for a shock. “The two or three people that read the novels already know this, but the story has been heavily sensationalized. As you can see, and this is a spoiler alert for those at home, I’m very much alive. Potter didn’t finish me off in the Great Hall, he sucker punched me. It was humiliating, yes, but the whole event is blown way out of proportion. Now look at that little bitch. If only I’d spent as much for a decent PR agent as he had”.
Though Riddle will have to fix his house manually after having his wand suspended by the Ministry, the future is not all bleak. “Maybe that Pattinson fella’s looking for a sidekick,” he whispered hopefully, before posing with a hammer for a photographer that will never come.
“What’s hard to do is describe why you like something. Because ultimately, the reason things move people is very amorphous. You can be cerebral about things you hate, but most of the things you like tend to be very emotive. It’s really hard to do a literary reproduction of what makes you happy.”
—
Chuck Klosterman. There are a few interesting quotes in this interview, like:
“If I basically view criticism as sort of an interesting form of writing about oneself, an interesting form of autobiography, then I don’t feel any pressure to have any kind of authoritative, universal voice. That kind of thing has never interested me.”
“Revolver gets an A+, mostly because of “She Said She Said” and “For No One,” but partially because I hate filing my taxes.”
Hey Ed Gein, pick up yo face.
Poor parenting and low education standards blamed for increase in terrible grammar.
A radical new paper published in reputed social studies magazine Seriously You Guys has attributed a sharp increase in poor spelling and grammar among teens to the authority figures responsible for educating those teens.
The revolutionary study contradicts the widely held belief that Facebook and Twitter are responsible for the downfall of proper English. The author of the essay, James McEnglishman, has long been a proponent of the theory that the people who should be tutoring and mentoring these children have failed as teachers and are shifting the blame onto modern technology. “Are you fucking kidding me? How about instead of shirking responsibility, you carry out the immensely important task you’ve been set to educate the next generation?” rhetorically asked McEnglishman. His controversial views have made him an outcast among teaching circles around the world, some labeling him an “extremist”.
“Are YOU fucking kidding ME?” responded leading psychologist Abraham Stevens, author of the book The Internet Is Killing Your Children, a comprehensive study on the effects of digital communication on youth. “Facebook apps like ‘Type As Poorly As You Can’ and ‘Win An iPod By Typing Lol Five Thousand Times’ encourage incorrect spelling and grammar”. When asked for his response to this, McEnglishman denied knowledge of these apps, his ignorance something the public should take into consideration. “I’ve never heard of those apps. In fact, I’m pretty sure Abe just made those up. Yo Abe, isn’t your son failing third grade?” he retorted.
The discussion then devolved into a heated debate regarding the merits of the participants’ mothers.
This study came to light due to recent discussions in Congress over whether to ban Facebook and Twitter over marked increases in narcissism, a character flaw many leading journalists believe is responsible for the melting ice caps.
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