Sunday December 13, 2009 at 18:48

Dear Personification of Death,
I’d settle for, like, a bus crash, but if it’s not too much trouble, something with spectacle would be even better. Perhaps have them chopped to pieces by a helicopter’s rotor blades, then have the helicopter explode. With fireworks.
Hugs and kisses,Jake

Dear Personification of Death,

I’d settle for, like, a bus crash, but if it’s not too much trouble, something with spectacle would be even better. Perhaps have them chopped to pieces by a helicopter’s rotor blades, then have the helicopter explode. With fireworks.

Hugs and kisses,
Jake

Sunday December 13, 2009 at 18:06

I wonder if LeVar Burton is jealous of Wil Wheaton. Geordi was one of my favorites.

I wonder if LeVar Burton is jealous of Wil Wheaton. Geordi was one of my favorites.

Sunday December 13, 2009 at 17:05

Scraps

lieslieslies:

I always write fragmented thoughts down for things I want to write and when I find them months later they are meaningless, confusing, or just really dumb. I found some today.

‘whale ex-wife’

I think Gabe and I were walking to Ralph’s and came up with an idea for a sketch about a guy dissing his ‘whale of an ex-wife’ to his co-worker and then seeing her at the bar they’re at. The twist is she is literally a whale. Stupid.

‘finish with hillary going undercover or some shit’

‘Or some shit’ is the bane of my existence. This was actually an important idea to fix a big problem in a screenplay and I can’t remember anything else other than what I wrote down. Which is no help at all.

‘some sort of sex thing?’

Who knows.

This is literally the worst thing to ever happen to someone. I have a desktop and a notebook full of scribblings that, in retrospect, make no sense. Remember that scene in that movie nobody saw where Tina Fey is like “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and write down ideas that don’t even make sense, like ‘Make everybody twins’”?

This post was reblogged from Lust for Lust.

Sunday December 13, 2009 at 16:23

alexjcampbell:

This will be my first and only contribution to the Tiger Woods discussion.

Excellent.

alexjcampbell:

This will be my first and only contribution to the Tiger Woods discussion.

Excellent.

This post was reblogged from ALEX CAMPBELL'S TUMBLR // BLOG.

Sunday December 13, 2009 at 13:28

Saturday December 12, 2009 at 10:04

A week in photos.

Saturday December 12, 2009 at 9:49

Deconstructing Pedobear:

User: anotherjack:

Pedobear is not an endorsement of child rape, even though he might disagree. He is a shorthand for a lot of things we feel afraid to say. It used to be that the stereotype of the child rapist was a spooky hobo, a stranger. Now that we know it can be anyone, and that it’s often men, so now males are being culturally told that it’s not okay to enjoy children on any level, because that might mean something icky about you.
And I want to say, as a woman, that I think this is fucking sad. It’s normal to like children. It’s usually a mark of a decent human being. Children don’t need to be raised or spoken to only by females and siblings. They need men in their lives, too. Dad, Uncle John, Mr. Wilkins from next door who lets you borrow his mower, these guys are an essential part of the world a child lives in, and everyone is robbed when we can’t have these relationships.
But we are caught in the aftermath of a cultural shift, and just about every guy feels the fallout. For a long time, we had a culture where lot of bad shit was swept under the rug. Now, we all are aware that molestation really does happen, especially in families. This is a massive cultural shift. Because of this, people are being caught, and held accountable, in ways they never were before. There is even a TV show where that is all they do! They find so many guys it’s crazy! That has got to make the average guy ask himself questions, like: Is it pedo to like the pictures in Barely Legal? Is it perverted to find Natalie Portman attractive in The Professional? Is it okay to make a joke when I feel stupid holding my sister’s baby?
Pedobear helps us, because he brings up the stuff we are worried about, and he makes it funny, and we don’t feel like we are in danger of going to jail or being tracked by the FBI for talking about Pedobear. Child molesters harm innocent and helpless people, they ruin lives, they are rightly despised. Luckily, we know for certain that Pedobear is not real, so we can laugh about him. Like the “Free Candy” van, he is obviously a harmless joke about a scary thing.

User: Terminal157

There’s a lot of truth to what you said, but I think there’s more to it than that. We’re in the midst of one of the greatest moral panics in recent history, and Pedobear is the counter culture reaction. Any time a subject is treated as so serious that you’re not allowed to make fun of it, there will be a sizable group making fun of it. In other words, Pedobear is a raspberry blown in the face of the squares. Indeed, much of the humor, implicitly or explicitly, comes from the imagined responses of people who don’t get, or don’t approve of, the joke.

User: Wamerocity

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You said this beautifully. I am a father of 2, and I frequently take my little 2 1/2 year old little girl to the mall to play in the playland or at the park. I’m the only dad who’s ever on his knees CHASING his kids or actually goes down the slides to chase her. My daughter gets so excited when I play this intimately with her, and the other little kids around me ALWAYS want me to chase them too. I tickle my daughter, the other girls and boys ask me to chase and tickle them, and I always have to look at their sad faces and say, “sorry sweetie, I can’t do that. Go ask your dad on the bench” because of this very issue. I can’t touch/play with another child without implicit permission from the parent- and I’m still a little wary even with it. It is SO sad that I feel like I have to justify being able to touch my daughter in public because of everyone’s wariness that “you’re PROBABLY not a pedophile, but I can’t really be sure.” And my fear is justified. Ever known someone who has had DHS called on them incorrectly or someone who has been accused of touching/molesting a child falsely? All is takes is an ACCUSATION, and you’re life is FUCKED forever. That’s it. Even if you are acquitted of a crime, you’re life will never be the same.


The rest of the thread (a discussion about pedophilephobia) is here, and some of the comments are very interesting:

I agree with everything you say, except what you say about Pedobear.
Yes, it’s just a cartoon, and I don’t want to even attempt to take away anyone’s First Amendment rights, but regardless of intent, every time I see it (or hear it) it reminds me of when I was (brutally) molested at age 6 or 7 (I honestly can’t remember). I do not like remembering that trauma, and I doubt I’m the only person with this reaction. It’s not that if offends me, it’s just that I wish I had never heard of Pedobear, and if I see it, I feel shitty for the rest of the day. (This is after many years of therapy.)
Yes, it sucks that you can’t play with your kids (or other kids) without feeling paranoid, it really sucks, but would you mock/make jokes about rape in the same way? (And most or all of child molestation is rape, anyway.)

Deconstructing Pedobear:

User: anotherjack:

Pedobear is not an endorsement of child rape, even though he might disagree. He is a shorthand for a lot of things we feel afraid to say. It used to be that the stereotype of the child rapist was a spooky hobo, a stranger. Now that we know it can be anyone, and that it’s often men, so now males are being culturally told that it’s not okay to enjoy children on any level, because that might mean something icky about you.

And I want to say, as a woman, that I think this is fucking sad. It’s normal to like children. It’s usually a mark of a decent human being. Children don’t need to be raised or spoken to only by females and siblings. They need men in their lives, too. Dad, Uncle John, Mr. Wilkins from next door who lets you borrow his mower, these guys are an essential part of the world a child lives in, and everyone is robbed when we can’t have these relationships.

But we are caught in the aftermath of a cultural shift, and just about every guy feels the fallout. For a long time, we had a culture where lot of bad shit was swept under the rug. Now, we all are aware that molestation really does happen, especially in families. This is a massive cultural shift. Because of this, people are being caught, and held accountable, in ways they never were before. There is even a TV show where that is all they do! They find so many guys it’s crazy! That has got to make the average guy ask himself questions, like: Is it pedo to like the pictures in Barely Legal? Is it perverted to find Natalie Portman attractive in The Professional? Is it okay to make a joke when I feel stupid holding my sister’s baby?

Pedobear helps us, because he brings up the stuff we are worried about, and he makes it funny, and we don’t feel like we are in danger of going to jail or being tracked by the FBI for talking about Pedobear. Child molesters harm innocent and helpless people, they ruin lives, they are rightly despised. Luckily, we know for certain that Pedobear is not real, so we can laugh about him. Like the “Free Candy” van, he is obviously a harmless joke about a scary thing.

User: Terminal157

There’s a lot of truth to what you said, but I think there’s more to it than that. We’re in the midst of one of the greatest moral panics in recent history, and Pedobear is the counter culture reaction. Any time a subject is treated as so serious that you’re not allowed to make fun of it, there will be a sizable group making fun of it. In other words, Pedobear is a raspberry blown in the face of the squares. Indeed, much of the humor, implicitly or explicitly, comes from the imagined responses of people who don’t get, or don’t approve of, the joke.

User: Wamerocity

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You said this beautifully. I am a father of 2, and I frequently take my little 2 1/2 year old little girl to the mall to play in the playland or at the park. I’m the only dad who’s ever on his knees CHASING his kids or actually goes down the slides to chase her. My daughter gets so excited when I play this intimately with her, and the other little kids around me ALWAYS want me to chase them too. I tickle my daughter, the other girls and boys ask me to chase and tickle them, and I always have to look at their sad faces and say, “sorry sweetie, I can’t do that. Go ask your dad on the bench” because of this very issue. I can’t touch/play with another child without implicit permission from the parent- and I’m still a little wary even with it. It is SO sad that I feel like I have to justify being able to touch my daughter in public because of everyone’s wariness that “you’re PROBABLY not a pedophile, but I can’t really be sure.” And my fear is justified. Ever known someone who has had DHS called on them incorrectly or someone who has been accused of touching/molesting a child falsely? All is takes is an ACCUSATION, and you’re life is FUCKED forever. That’s it. Even if you are acquitted of a crime, you’re life will never be the same.

The rest of the thread (a discussion about pedophilephobia) is here, and some of the comments are very interesting:

I agree with everything you say, except what you say about Pedobear.

Yes, it’s just a cartoon, and I don’t want to even attempt to take away anyone’s First Amendment rights, but regardless of intent, every time I see it (or hear it) it reminds me of when I was (brutally) molested at age 6 or 7 (I honestly can’t remember). I do not like remembering that trauma, and I doubt I’m the only person with this reaction. It’s not that if offends me, it’s just that I wish I had never heard of Pedobear, and if I see it, I feel shitty for the rest of the day. (This is after many years of therapy.)

Yes, it sucks that you can’t play with your kids (or other kids) without feeling paranoid, it really sucks, but would you mock/make jokes about rape in the same way? (And most or all of child molestation is rape, anyway.)

Saturday December 12, 2009 at 9:34

Fuck Yeah Fuck Yeah BlogsEarlier today, I was reading Public School Intelligentsia (which I just discovered, pretty good right?), specifically this post from June about Fuck Yeah blogs. While it concludes with a begrudging acceptance of the potential, the overall tone is “Fuck Yeah blogs suck”. This is not a particularly controversial stance and seems to be the prevailing opinion in the Tumblr community. Dear everyone: Quit your bitching, Fuck Yeah blogs are fucking great. This post is not strictly a response to that post, because it made some good points that I don’t disagree with, but I think the consensus that Fuck Yeah = Fuck No is knee-jerk contrarian bullshit. Off the top of my head, I can count seven that I follow. I like the knowledge that whatever I’m obsessing over has a hub that I can read without having to go out of my way to find pictures of Noel Fielding in his polka-dot leggings strutting around Camden (for example). I like that instead of having to sift through Google Alerts, with which my experience has been soured by a tide of shit, to read/watch interviews with Yeezy, there’s a Tumblr looking after my interests. It’s like watching a television channel, like ESPN: Passive indulgence about a particular subject. This is not a new concept. Fan sites have been going since the birth of the web (Whedonesque, in particular, is still going strong). Only, now that they all have “Fuck Yeah” in the title, they’re somehow objectionable. Man, it really sucks that all I have to do is type in “Fuck Yeah [Whatever]” to find a blog about something I like! Shame on you, internet!My only quibble is that the Fuck Yeah blogs I know of aren’t doing enough, and perhaps a more accurate title for some of them would just be “Fuck Yeah Pictures Of So-And-So” (though, as mentioned before, Fuck Yeah Kanye West is an exception). If you’re going to take up the URL (aside: still fuming that “bronerparty” is taken), do as much as you can with it or pass it to someone else. Go take a look at how Whedonesque is done, then add your photos. That’s what I want from a Fuck Yeah blog. Until that halcyon day, I’ll be over here in my corner, obsessing over Noel Fielding’s little red boots.(Photo via tumblrmemeclub)

Fuck Yeah Fuck Yeah Blogs

Earlier today, I was reading Public School Intelligentsia (which I just discovered, pretty good right?), specifically this post from June about Fuck Yeah blogs. While it concludes with a begrudging acceptance of the potential, the overall tone is “Fuck Yeah blogs suck”. This is not a particularly controversial stance and seems to be the prevailing opinion in the Tumblr community. Dear everyone: Quit your bitching, Fuck Yeah blogs are fucking great.

This post is not strictly a response to that post, because it made some good points that I don’t disagree with, but I think the consensus that Fuck Yeah = Fuck No is knee-jerk contrarian bullshit. Off the top of my head, I can count seven that I follow. I like the knowledge that whatever I’m obsessing over has a hub that I can read without having to go out of my way to find pictures of Noel Fielding in his polka-dot leggings strutting around Camden (for example). I like that instead of having to sift through Google Alerts, with which my experience has been soured by a tide of shit, to read/watch interviews with Yeezy, there’s a Tumblr looking after my interests. It’s like watching a television channel, like ESPN: Passive indulgence about a particular subject.

This is not a new concept. Fan sites have been going since the birth of the web (Whedonesque, in particular, is still going strong). Only, now that they all have “Fuck Yeah” in the title, they’re somehow objectionable. Man, it really sucks that all I have to do is type in “Fuck Yeah [Whatever]” to find a blog about something I like! Shame on you, internet!

My only quibble is that the Fuck Yeah blogs I know of aren’t doing enough, and perhaps a more accurate title for some of them would just be “Fuck Yeah Pictures Of So-And-So” (though, as mentioned before, Fuck Yeah Kanye West is an exception). If you’re going to take up the URL (aside: still fuming that “bronerparty” is taken), do as much as you can with it or pass it to someone else. Go take a look at how Whedonesque is done, then add your photos. That’s what I want from a Fuck Yeah blog. Until that halcyon day, I’ll be over here in my corner, obsessing over Noel Fielding’s little red boots.

(Photo via tumblrmemeclub)

Saturday December 12, 2009 at 9:15

Blackout Crew - Put A Donk On It

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from following Marshall for the past two(ish) years, it’s that you always put a donk on it.

Saturday December 12, 2009 at 9:00

The editorial staff at JakeCleland.com are big fans of Wolfmother. Not that they listened to Wolfmother when they were popular, but they won’t tell you that.

The editorial staff at JakeCleland.com are big fans of Wolfmother. Not that they listened to Wolfmother when they were popular, but they won’t tell you that.

Friday December 11, 2009 at 21:02

“The vagina. When was the last time you said the “v” word without snickering?”

Seriously? Are you fucking kidding?

via Erin

Friday December 11, 2009 at 17:28

What it feels like to take a sucker punch to the face by a large tanned man

natashavc:

Been thinking about Snooks.

I got cold-clocked in the face by an overheated, muscly, swarthy  stranger when I was 16. There is a FANTASTIC story behind but that’s an IRL sort of affair (filled with elaborate pantomiming and lurid examples of suburban-spawned vandalism). The punch which was delivered rapidly and close fisted split my lip. But have you ever been socked in the face? It is very distinct pain.

*The BIFF! POW! BAM! BOFFO! bursts of light happen upon contact. There are starbursts

*It feels like the section of your face that got hit is permanently indented.  You will immediately touch your face not to alleviate pain but to make sure that there is not a concave hole. This crumpled bone feeling wears off after about 3 mins. But it really feels like your cheek has collapsed in on itself. Like rubble.

*There’s an near instant swell. You feel all the microscopic blood cells and histamines and blood clot and clog under your skin. This stays around for a long time.

*There is no satisfying thud to it. It’s sharp and disorienting. I had so much adrenline going through my body that my first reaction was like “WHAT? YOU JUST HIT A GIRL?!” and then the next feeling was feeling my balance go sideways. I believe this has something to do with ear fluid.

*And then you look over and see your teenage vegan boyfriend is crying and about to piss his pants. Then there’s a mixture of terror and shame knowing that you could probably throw punch harder than he could (miss you, babee).

ANYWAYS. I feel for Snooks. It is such a shocking thing to experience that all you can do is freeze and look around for some one to explain to you what just happened.

This is a perfect description of what it’s like to get punched in the face, though the first thought that went through my Cro Magnon brain was “ARGH NOW I HIT YOU IN FACE TOO!” And so it goes.

This post was reblogged from my internet is where i want you to touch.

Friday December 11, 2009 at 17:27

Metric - Monster Hospital (MSTRKRFT remix)

Friday December 11, 2009 at 15:48

“But I have to disagree with Ned being ‘down.’ I think this is the most revelant[sic] someone like him could ever hope to be.”

— Suicideblonde via Fuck Yeah, Insubstantial Enthusiasm!

Friday December 11, 2009 at 15:37

Dizzee Rascal - Bonkers

See you in a month, Riz.

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