Lara Bingle wishes you would stop drinking so much.
“My Mac has a mini cd stuck in the cd rom drive and will not eject! How do I fix this problem, I am quite upset”
— I’m learning to appreciate Facebook for what it is: A gallery of humor and a showcase of stupidity. Like College Humor, but unintentional.
Good morning, Tumblr! Today is a good day, I think, for not giving the ass of a rat. Feelings? I never had a use for them.
“As a mature poet, Berryman’s alcoholism and depression interfered with his ability to give readings, to speak in public, and to work appropriately. In 1972, Berryman’s depression led him to follow the example of his father and to kill himself by jumping from the Washington Avenue Bridge in Minneapolis, Minnesota.”
“Derek: I kind of like you more than everyone I’ve ever met.
Lauren: No you don’t!
Derek: What? What if I can’t stop thinking about you? Is that a bad thing? In a non-psychotic way. Maybe I’m psychotic. Maybe I murdered people, but… In high school, I dated a girl for seven years.
Lauren: Be honest, you totally have girlfriend issues, don’t you?”
“Lauren: How do you get rid of hiccups?
Heidi: Drink water upside down and put a pencil in your mouth.
Lauren: Is that possible?”
It’s one thing to date by means of heading out and about, carefully dressed up in your best black. Drunk, kissing on the sidewalk, touching thighs during dinner before a couple hours of dark sex, followed by a shower and power nap into the afternoon. There will be texts during the day for no reason and your friends will have an idea of what’s going on, but never, ever ask you about it. Just cuz.
Then there’s the date that you can bring home to chill, troll, laugh, and eat a brick of cheese with. She will love your shoe collection and immediately know how to work the cable box. Oh, there will be heavy petting. There will be Star Wars references, and by God there will be a Round 2 in the shower. You don’t pay for water? Fuck, yeah. Round 3. Wait, just let me flip my laundry real quick.
Shit.
I’ll take “Shorty’s doin’ it right” for $800, Alex.
I’m very rarely envious of anybody, I very rarely have reason to be, but Jigga’s life is made.
“Before finding success as a comedian, Spade made money by working as […] a skee ball championship competitor.”
So… where do I start? The Awesome Foursome? The pyromania? The lying, cheating and stealing (hearts)? The “You’re just one of my best friends” speech? The part where I finger-b’d a girl then told her to get the fuck out of my house? The gay kiss? The candy nipples? The regrets!?
SOMEBODY PUT TOO MANY FARTS IN THIS ENGINE! IT’S ABOUT TO EXPLOOOOOOODE!
Jay Z: Roc Boys (And the Winner is)
Key Lyric: “OH WHATTA FEELIN I’M FEELIN LYYYFE”
Sidenote: This video is pretty epic 4 me, and also plum full of cameos (Mariah, Puffy, etc.).
I must admit MiMi’s cameo is pretty campy-surreal-super-fresh.
Anthem for days. Hov’s gonna be scoring tonight’s events.
This post was reblogged from KiNda FaBuLoUs.
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