(Not so) Little status update for y’all
Sitting in my torn up ergonomic office chair, in pyjama pants I’ve been wearing for longer than I’d like to admit and a really awesome shirt my ex-girlfriend’s parents bought me a while ago (I charm the fuck outta parents, yo. Or maybe they just thought I needed to stop wearing the same two shirts. Whatevs), watching Paramore music videos. My obsession with Hayley Williams is hastily becoming problematic.
Speaking of ex-girlfriend’s, let’s talk about that for a second. It’s been a long road to recovery, but I really can’t stress enough how good the months since the romantic exodus occurred have been. I guess when you’re a steaming cup of depressachino for so long, even the smallest things seem unfathomably pleasing. So yeah, pretty happy most of the time. I attribute that to two things, mostly: The fact that I have something going on (more on that in a bit) and the fact that she’s unhappy. She doesn’t talk to anyone, even her formerly closest friends, she just works a lot (she’s going to Canada later this year). And this makes me feel awesome. Not out of spite, but I’m aware of how vindictive that sounds regardless.
Part of what aided the recovery was really “getting back to myself”. Like I’ve touched on before, that means learning to be comfortable with who I am as a person without depending on someone else for validation. Something that helped was aesthetic: I started wearing nerdy shirts (like my signed FPS_Doug shirt), my old NOFX sweatband, and my Gamer Army dogtags. Silly trinkets, perhaps, but their sentimental value helped me get back to a time where I was good to myself. From there, I could start reshaping myself. An ongoing process that entails constant re-evaluation of who I am (part of that is not posting dumb shit about issues I don’t know enough about slash posting dumb contrarian shit just to get a reaction). The skyrocketing Tumblarity is too high a price for the alienation of a lot of people I respect.
I’ve hinted a little bit about what I’ve got “going on” over the past few years. It’s been in planning for a couple years and has gone through numerous revisions, and I’m incredibly pleased with where it’s at now. Don’t want to make the big reveal just yet, but I will let slip that it’s an “internet show”. IPTV is the real term for it, but nobody I’ve spoken to has any fucking clue what it means (Internet Protocol Television, by the way) so calling it that is conversationally impractical. What I’m doing writing an episodic series is anybody’s guess, as if I have any idea. But I’ve watched a shitload of TV in my time, and we’ve all gotta start somewhere, so this will be my ‘Clerks’, I guess. My experimental magnum opus. The series itself is kind of an homage to popular culture, and is (or hopes to be) a comedy. I’ve been cooped up spending most of my days writing, planning, sketching like a workaholic for the past few months, so it’ll probably make no sense at all and will resemble the scrawlings of Tony from The Shining when read by the eye of sanity. It’ll be done before Christmas.
So, that’s pretty exciting.
