Tuesday February 02, 2010 at 9:00

Poor parenting and low education standards blamed for increase in terrible grammar.A radical new paper published in reputed social studies magazine Seriously You Guys has attributed a sharp increase in poor spelling and grammar among teens to the authority figures responsible for educating those teens. The revolutionary study contradicts the widely held belief that Facebook and Twitter are responsible for the downfall of proper English. The author of the essay, James McEnglishman, has long been a proponent of the theory that the people who should be tutoring and mentoring these children have failed as teachers and are shifting the blame onto modern technology. “Are you fucking kidding me? How about instead of shirking responsibility, you carry out the immensely important task you’ve been set to educate the next generation?” rhetorically asked McEnglishman. His controversial views have made him an outcast among teaching circles around the world, some labeling him an “extremist”. “Are YOU fucking kidding ME?” responded leading psychologist Abraham Stevens, author of the book The Internet Is Killing Your Children, a comprehensive study on the effects of digital communication on youth. “Facebook apps like ‘Type As Poorly As You Can’ and ‘Win An iPod By Typing Lol Five Thousand Times’ encourage incorrect spelling and grammar”. When asked for his response to this, McEnglishman denied knowledge of these apps, his ignorance something the public should take into consideration. “I’ve never heard of those apps. In fact, I’m pretty sure Abe just made those up. Yo Abe, isn’t your son failing third grade?” he retorted. The discussion then devolved into a heated debate regarding the merits of the participants’ mothers.This study came to light due to recent discussions in Congress over whether to ban Facebook and Twitter over marked increases in narcissism, a character flaw many leading journalists believe is responsible for the melting ice caps.

Poor parenting and low education standards blamed for increase in terrible grammar.

A radical new paper published in reputed social studies magazine Seriously You Guys has attributed a sharp increase in poor spelling and grammar among teens to the authority figures responsible for educating those teens.

The revolutionary study contradicts the widely held belief that Facebook and Twitter are responsible for the downfall of proper English. The author of the essay, James McEnglishman, has long been a proponent of the theory that the people who should be tutoring and mentoring these children have failed as teachers and are shifting the blame onto modern technology. “Are you fucking kidding me? How about instead of shirking responsibility, you carry out the immensely important task you’ve been set to educate the next generation?” rhetorically asked McEnglishman. His controversial views have made him an outcast among teaching circles around the world, some labeling him an “extremist”.

“Are YOU fucking kidding ME?” responded leading psychologist Abraham Stevens, author of the book The Internet Is Killing Your Children, a comprehensive study on the effects of digital communication on youth. “Facebook apps like ‘Type As Poorly As You Can’ and ‘Win An iPod By Typing Lol Five Thousand Times’ encourage incorrect spelling and grammar”. When asked for his response to this, McEnglishman denied knowledge of these apps, his ignorance something the public should take into consideration. “I’ve never heard of those apps. In fact, I’m pretty sure Abe just made those up. Yo Abe, isn’t your son failing third grade?” he retorted.

The discussion then devolved into a heated debate regarding the merits of the participants’ mothers.

This study came to light due to recent discussions in Congress over whether to ban Facebook and Twitter over marked increases in narcissism, a character flaw many leading journalists believe is responsible for the melting ice caps.

  1. jakec posted this